I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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