i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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