So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
