i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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