Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
