Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
