false alarm. still invincible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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