Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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