yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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