Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
time to smoke my breakfast
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
