booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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