you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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