i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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