what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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