You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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