I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
