i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
