38 yer olds are good kisserssss
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
