I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize