The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
