I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
