Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
