You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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