We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
