Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize