he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
