I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
