the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
