So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Mom said you looked used
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
