My friends, they love my intelligence
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
