Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
