I seem to have left my pride at pride
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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