Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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