I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
