bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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