my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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