Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
