i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
