lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
