Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
