I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
