and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
