i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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