i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
