Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
