Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
pray to the hookup gods
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
