You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize