Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
