nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
