Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
