Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
