hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
