And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
