Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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