I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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