The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
