i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
