one two three fourrrrnication!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
