Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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