do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize