Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
