i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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